Bye Grandma

Today my nana decided to let go. She has been in intensive care for a month now, but she was finding it difficult to leave us.

I can understand that. If I were her, I would worry what would happen to us without her love, her care, her sweet words and her comfy food.

My mother once said my nana did not know how many children she had. Everywhere she went, someone adopted her. She had so many adoptive children and grandchildren, it was impossible to keep track.

She was the one who always had a sweet word for everyone. She never judged us, and man, did we give her reasons to... My nana never complained. She was never grumpy.

This woman was an example of faith and love for others. She had many, many tragedies in her life ( lost two children in less than one year, her daughter had a miscarriage on her first pregnancy, she saw many of her brothers and sisters leave this planet...), but she never lost faith. Never gave up.

My nana believed God knew what he was doing, and that seemed to be enough for her. She prayed and kept going.

My grandma taught us to be resilient. And to smile. She cooked and baked for us. we cried on her shoulder, we looked for her when we could not find anyone else to hold our hands.

Today she left for good, but I know she will be watching over us. I know she will be able to protect and care for her "family" the way she has always done.

I wish I was in Brazil. You never hear me saying this, but today is one of those situations when I really wish I was there. I would hug my mother and hold my godmother's hand. I would cry with my cousins and we would remember stories about our childhood. Monica and Fernanda would yell at me and Fabiola and say we were impostor grandkids, they were the real deal... I would place my head on Pedro's lap and let him sing for me until I slept. I would share all this pain I have in my heart with Deco. And it would make it all easier.

Thank you nana. Thank yu for helping me be a better person. Thank you for teaching me it is better to be good than nasty (  still struggle with that one). Thank you for choosing me as your grandchild.