namorado mais velho/older boyfriend

Minha filha mais velha tem 16 anos. E até agora só teve namoradinhos da idade dela que eu saiba.
Esses dias nós estavamos conversando sobre namoros/idades adequadas/ convenções sociais... e ela me perguntou o que eu faria se ela arrumasse um namorado muito mais velho.
Não tive nenhuma dúvida ao responder:
- Eu o denunciaria por pedofilia. Cadeia no safado!
E aí me lembrei que aos 17 anos, cheguei em casa, puxando pela mão um cara 10 anos mais velho que eu.
Meu pai ficou lívido. Quando eu insistia que eles conversassem e se conhecessem, meu pai dizia que não precisava não, que eles tinham jogado muita bola na escola, quando os dois eram mais novos.
Eu ria.
Olhando em retrospectiva, só consigo imaginar o medo/ansiedade/panico dos meus pais, naquela época.
Como a vida é muitas vezes generosa, o namoro não durou quase nada e os meus pais puderam voltar a dormir em paz.
Agora é a minha vez de perder noites de sono. De onde foi que ela tirou essa pergunta? Por que ela estava tão interessada em saber qual seria a minha reação se ela arrumasse um namorado mais velho?
Peraí que eu vou pegar a minha automática e já volto...
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My oldest daughter is 16 years old. And so far she only dated boys her own age  as far as  I know.
One day we were talking about dating / age appropriate / social conventions ... and she asked me what I would do if she got a much older boyfriend.
I had no doubt and the answer came naturally: 
- I would call the cops and charge him with pedophilia. Lock up the bastard!
Then I remembered when I was 17, and came home, with a guy 10 years older than me.
My father was livid. When I insisted that they got to know each other better, my father said there was no need for it,  they had played soccer at school,  when they were younger.
I laughed.
Looking back, I can only imagine the fear / anxiety / panic my parents fell at that time.
As life is often generous, my flirt did not last long  and my parents were able to resume life in peace.
Now it's my turn to spend sleepless nights. 
Where did my daughter get that question from? 
Why was she so interested in knowing what would be my reaction "if" she chose an older boyfriend?
Hang on I'll take my gun and I'll be back soon ...

Namorado Indesejado / Unwanted boyfriend

Minha filha apareceu em casa com um namorado que me pareceu inadequado por milhares de razões por que ele cheirava a cigarro.
Depois de muito pensar, cheguei a conclusão de que teria que fazer alguma coisa para deixar claro que eu não aprovava o indivíduo hábito.
Quase delirei quando tive a idéia brilhante de pegar o Bom Ar e dar uma boa esburrifada nele, para purificar o ambiente!

PS - A minha filha não achou graça nenhuma, mas eu rio sozinha só de lembrar...

PS 2 - Vc já está participando do sorteio do blog? Nãaaaao??? Vai correndo lá que ainda dá tempo!

My daughter decided to date a good for nothing boy who smokes, therefore he stinks nicotine.
To make sure I disapprove the habit, I decided to spray him with air freshner when he came to the house.

PS - My kid did not find it funny at all, but I can't stop laughing every time I remember it...

PS2 - Are you participation on this blog's give away? If you are not, just go there now!

Casamento/ marriage

Hoje fiquei sabendo que um casal que eu considerava "exemplo" se separou. E ela já está com outro cara.
Ao mesmo tempo, uma amiga minha, que tem filhos crescidos e encaminhados, também resolveu deixar o marido.
E são tantas as histórias de separação que eu fico me perguntando o que está acontecendo á minha volta.
Não quero ficar aqui falando um monte de baboseiras, mas acho que hoje em dia a gente está acostumado a trocar o que está enferrujado/feio/quebrado/cansado. Antigamente o negócio era consertar.
Não sei quem está certo. Se os nossos bisavós ou se a nossa geração.

Today i found out a couple I really like decided to divorce. And one of my best friends is also going through the same ordeal. Let alone all the "aquaintances" that are divorcing too.
I can't help but question what is happening around me?
Why everyone is so unhappy?
Today we just replace what is ugly/broken/old/rusty. On the old days, one would repair it and make it pretty and functional again.
Who is right?

Golpe que deu errado/ Scam gone wrong

Acontece que eu esqueci do dia dos namorados! E S Q U E C I. Na verdade, nem sabia mais que dia 12 de junho é dia dos namorados no Brasil.
Aí combinei de ir a uma exposição de arte com duas amigas e ainda levei a filha mais nova de brinde.
No caminho, uma delas me fala que era dia dos namorados.
Pô! Dia dos namorados e nós quatro indo a galeria de arte e depois esticando prum italiano? Sacanagem, fim de carreira, né?
Tentando arrumar desculpas, eu digo:
-  Fim de carreira! Nós quatro sozinhas, bem no dia dos namorados...
Cada uma tem uma resposta plausível:
Lia - Eu NÃO tenho namorado.
ok Justo.
Renata - Meu marido trabalha em plataforma de petróleo, ele não está no país.
Justo tambem - eu concedo.
Elisa - Eu sou espanhola, meu marido é venezuelano. Prá nós, não é dia dos namorados!
Ai, ai, ai.
Então quer dizer que a única namorada abandonada e mal amada sou eu? Euzinha?
Ligo prá casa.
- Fábio, passei o dia esperando você me ligar pra cumprimentar pelo dia dos namorados, e você
nisso ele me interrompe:
- Você saiu correndo, nem deu tempo de te daro seu presente. Deixei em cima da cama, prá quando você chegar...

O tiro saiu pela culatra. Fui desmascarada e tive que admitir prá minha filha ( que rolava de rir ao meu lado) que fui eu quem esqueci.

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Today is the Brazilian equivalent of Valentine's Day. And I forgot it. I forgot it long ago, when we moved overseas and started celebrating Feb 14th, like everyone else.
So I went out with two friends and my youngest child. We visited an art gallery and then went out for dinner.
On the way to the restaurant, renata tells me it is Valentine's Day in Brazil.
Wow! Valentine's Day and the four of us going to an art gallery and then grabbing a bite in an Italian restaurant? Sad, sad, sad!
Trying to be funny, I say:
- The four of us alone, right on Valentine's Day ... How humiliating!
One by one, they excuse themselves:
Lia - I do NOT have a boyfriend.
Fair enough
Renata - My husband works on an oil platform, he is not even in the country.
ok, ok, I get it 
Elisa - I'm Spanish, my husband is Venezuelan. For us, it is not Valentine's Day!
Hey! I get it. I am the only "unloved"one in this lot.
I call home.
- Fabio, I spent the day waiting to celebrate Valentine's Day, and you... he interrupts me:
-  You left so quickly when I got home, i barely had the chance to say hello, but I bought you a lil something. I left on our bed, you can see it when you get home ...

Shame on me. He did not forget. I DID!

Today my husband received a text on his mobile:
- Would you go out with me? Connor

It turns out our younger child called this boy from her dad's mobile, and he thought it was a great idea to invite her out BY TEXT.

Just imagine how embarassed this boy is now... Yeah, of COURSE we told him...


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Hoje meu marido recebeu um torpedinho no celular dele:
- Coce quer namorar comigo? Connor.

Acontece que a nossa cacula andou ligando do telefone do pai pra esse menino, quando o celular dela estava sem bateria.

E ele achou que era a coisa mais normal do mundo pedi-la em namoro por torpedo. O que ele nao imaginava e que o celular era do pai dela...

Claaaaro que nos contamos!!!

Meu marido/ My husband

The sign says: Please pee sitting down... and he DOES!

Image stolen from http://aventurasedesventurasdeumamulher.blogspot.com.

Imagem roubada do http://aventurasedesventurasdeumamulher.blogspot.com

Texto em portugues logo abaixo da versao em Ingles...sempre!

I have been married for 16 years. Long time, very long time I would say.

My husband never disagreed with me. I tell no tales, he really never did.

Whatever I said, he agreed. Always.

And then he went and did whatever he felt like - very rarely what we had "agreed on".

Eu sou casada ha 16 anos. Um tempao, uma eternidade...

E durante todo esse tempo, meu marido nunca discordou de mim. Nunca discutiu, nunca bateu boca. E eu nao estou mentindo. Essa e a mais pura verdade.

Tudo o que eu dizia, ele conconrdava. Sempre!

E ai virava as costas e ia fazer o que lhe desse na telha - quase nunca o que a gente tinha acabado de "combinar"

INVESTMENTS

I've been thinking a lot about what is the real  investment one makes in a relationship and reached the conclusion that it is a risky investment. The most risky one, I would say. A stock exchange, not a savings account at all.


One puts in the emotional bank everything available. Love, care, dedication, attention, and whatelse ever you can put your hands on.

The other person does the same thing.

But none of you really knows what the other is investing. You  may have an idea, use your intuition, your gut feeling, your instincts, but you never know for sure. Even when you think you do so.


The good part about this business is that you can hit the jack pot and have all your investment doubled, triple even. You can also be on a bad strike and lose everything you put in - and  end up with a tremendous scar.


The only conclusion I got to, after all this thinking process is that I find the risk worth it.In my humble opinion,  it is worth investing everything you have. Each penny, because  life can be much more colorful when you dare to dream, when you dare to try.

And all I can do is hope that our investments will all be great ones!

A REAL CHANCE

Today a friend called me. She was sad, very confused, feeling lost and asked for my help. (Rest assured, she authorized me  to tell her story here - so you guys can give her a hand - as long as I did not quote names)




She has been married for almost 20 years. The marriage was stale,  without major upheavals, the children studying, her and her husband working. Nothing unusual. Life as so many other lives. She felt her relationship  could be moreexciting, but not  she did not do anything about it. Inertia is shit.



Suddenly, her world turned upside down.



She discovered that her husband was unfaithful - a mere business transaction, he told her (prostitutes, maybe?) And he also told her he developped feelings for another woman, but nothing had happened (yet).



He said he wanted to "fix" the marriage. He said he was sorry and he loved her.



She, not knowing what to do, began to blame herself. She thought if he wanted other women, it meant she was not being interesting / funny / pretty / sexy enough.



After the shock, she realized that something was wrong, it could not be all her fault, after all it takes two to dance. The way she saw him, changed. He lost the charm, lost its luster, lost much of his glamour. He became an ordinary man.



And he said he was  making great progress, that the mere fact that he told her about all the indiscretions, proved his love for her.



He swore he no longer cared for the other woman. He said he wants the firework back in the relationship. He told her he wants to stay with her for the next 40 years ...


He claimed to be his first offense in almost 20 years.


And she, who did not go anywhere, who did not leave him, accepted the gamble.



But his glamour was gone. She was no longer sad, or mad. She was feeling empty.


And now he is saying she is not giving a real chance to the relationship, she is not trying, she is not lettinng go, she  is not forgiving. And he wants a real opportunity to make things work for them. He wants her to try too.



She thought she was giving her best, but she felt confused, wondering if this could be true. Considering  if she was boycotting their chances of happiness ...



 I have been married for almost 16 years (our wedding anniversary is next Friday), and I am  fresh out of a crisis myself,  so, I did not know what to say, so i decided to ask for YOUR oppinion.

Perspectiva e bom demais!!! Nothing better than perspective in life!!!

Foto tirada daqui . Pic from here

My life has been an emotional roller coaster latelly. My marriage is not at it's best, I am not working, I can't see much future in many relationships I engaged recently ( from friendships to professional prospects).

I can say things are far from ideal in my little world, but sometimes things happent o bring perspective into one's life. And yesterday was one of these days.

I was having a bad day, thinking my belly button was the centre of the universe, when for a second I realised my daughter could be in danger. She could be hurt, even seriously hurt or worse.

Then, like a movie, all my worries, all my anger, all my ressentment passed before my eyes - and it meant NOTHING.

None of of the pain I am going through meant a thing when compared with the possibility of my child being hurt or unwell.

So today I chose to live well, to invest in my marriage and in my family. I chose not to give up, to fight life's battles and to be happy. To be happy with my kids and with my husband. To be happy with or without a job.

To be happy with the life I chose. and to make it even better.

Thank God my baby is well.

Tenho vivido numa montanha russa emocional de deixar qualquer um maluco. Meu casamento anda sofrendo ( em 15 anos de relacionamento voce acumula muita magoa, muita bagagem, muita tristeza) e as vezes e dificil lidar com tanta coisa.

Mas o bafafa de ontem me trouxe perspectiva na vida.

Por um momento, eu tive panico so em pensar que a minha filha estivesse machucada, ou coisa pior. Num micro espaco de tempo, eu revi minha vida, meus valores, e coloquei no lugar o que e importante e o que nao tem importancia nenhuma.

Sea  Lili estivesse mesmo machucada, nenhuma das minhas crises ( marital, existencial, profissional, "amigál", territorial - to em bahrain, lembram-se?) faria a menor diferenca. Num momento, tudo isso perdeu importancia, deixou de ter peso, ficou insignificante.

Tudo o que eu queria era ouvir a voz dela, saber que ela estava bem.

Entao, a partir de hoje, e escolho deixar as crises para traz. Eu escolho perdoar os pecados - meus e alheios, desculpar os erros que todos nos cometemos e ver o mundo com outros olhos.

Eu escolho olhar as coisas boas, valorizar o bem, escolho ser feliz.

E sem pensar duas vezes ( depois de ter pensado um milhao) escolho cuidar do meu casamento e da minha familia. Eu opto por eles, acima de tudo.

E sei que tudo vai dar certo.Por que finalmente eu vi o que e importante e o que nao passa de besteira...

Betrayal

Today I was surfing the blogsphere when I found a blog ( I am sorry, in Portuguese), discussing fantasies and betrayal. It says it is Ok to have fantasies, that everyone has them , but to act on it is a whole different story, and then it talks about relationships, commitment and respect. well written, and it made me think.

In the past it would be easy to get me excited, defending impalement as a fair punishment for betrayals. the time passed, I believe I met more people, heard more stories, witnessed different life stories and saw two different sides to the story.

I saw women who forgave the cheating husband to protect the family, some " forgave" to protect the patrimony, some just because they saw no way out.

I saw people who could not stand it, suffered, cried, made scenes, one even danced with huge heels ( mine) on top of her husband's car. My shoes and the car were never, ever the same after that...

My questions after reading that post were about the definition of betrayal. What is cheating?

Is thinking about someone else betrayal?
Is acting on that impulse betrayal?

Is cyber sex betrayal?

Does it need to be emotional involvement to be betrayal? What about sex with prostitutes? Is it?


Is emotional involvement enough to be classified as betrayal?

It is easy to judge - and so many times I were guilt of judging others, but reality is only the people involved in the situation will know what is worth doing to hold the relationship together. Only the partners will know their story, their commitment, their truth and what to do.