Me explica! Please tell me!

 Tenho cara de idiota?
Vocês, que são meus amigos, podem me dizer. Eu sou forte. Aguento a verdade.
Passei um mês fazendo um curso em Miami, para abrir uma franquia aqui em Phoenix. Franquia de comida, portanto passei 2 semanas na cozinha e duas semanas no escritório e no centro de atendimento ao cliente.
Como eu não sei cortar nem tomate, as duas semanas na cozinha foram uma farra - apanhei um monte, sofri, fiz bobagens e no fim...ainda sai sem saber cozinhar.
Há coisas que requerem dom. E isso eu realmente não tenho. ficou comprovado.
Depois das duas semanas, fiz um teste que falava de tudo o que eu vi/fiz/aprendi durante as duas semanas.
Perguntas sobre o funcionamento da cozinha, sobre entrega, sobre controle de qualidade...
Foram momentos tensos. tenho certeza que não rolou nenhuma aposta sobre o meu resultado por que ninguém ia apostar em mim.
Fiz a prova, tirei uma das notas mais altas da história e surpreendi todo mundo.
Fiquei feliz e confesso, um tanto orgulhosa do meu resultado.
Aí fui para o escritório e passei mais duas semanas por lá.
Aprendi um pouco de tudo, mas passei a maior parte do tempo no atendimento ao cliente - area onde tenho muita experiencia. 
Gerenciei vários call centers, vivi minha vida profissional em escritórios. Chegou o dia do teste e eu percebi que algumas pessoas estavam meio tensas.
Fiz a prova, e quando saí da sala, já saí gritando:
- Vocês são pessimos professores. Eu tomei pau por que vocês não souberam me ensinar nada...
Ao invés de risadas histéricas, houve um silencio sepulcral.
A diretora de Recursos Humanos, mais corajosa, provavelmente devido ao alto cargo, perguntou para uma das socias da franquia:
- Foi tão ruim assim?
- Nada boba, ela passou com mérito... 
E sem perceber a mulhers olta um grito:
- JUUUUURA????????

Claro que depois ela morreu de se desculpar. E eu acabei sabendo que ninguém ali achava que eu ia me dar bem nas provas, por que segundo eles, eu não presto nenhuma atenção em nada ( oi??).
Chegaram até a me chamar de grossa, por que dizem ( e eu duvido) que as pessoas começavam a explicar coisas e eu saia andando.

Das duas uma - ou eu saia andando na setima explicaçao ( por que tem gente que parece vitrola enroscada), ou eu sou mesmo muito mal educada!

Resumo da ópera: ninguém põe a menor fé em mim. Alguém por favor me explica??

Só de sacanagem, eu convenci a sócia da franquia a mentir para os outros dois sócios que eu tinha mesmo tomado pau. Cheguei até a pedir o meu dinheiro de volta, já que eu "não dou pra coisa..."

HA! Posso ter cara de idiota, mas tenho um senso de humor bem afiadinho. Ri horas a fio do desespero dos que não acreditaram na minha capacidade!

++++++

Do I look stupid?
You, my friends , can tell me . I am strong. I can handle the truth .
I spent a month in Miami learning how to handle an industrial kitchen. I am soon opening a new franchise and need to know the operations inside out. from cooking to acquiring clients and managing accounts...  I spent two weeks in the kitchen and two weeks in the office and call center .
I can not cook. Not even to save my life ( or someone else's) , my two weeks in the kitchen were super fun. I got amused by the most simple tasks. Slicing tomatoes was a mammoth task, but I persevered. I tried, I failed, I tried again and I confess I got better, but ... still come out without knowing how to cook .
There are things that require talent,and cooking is not one of mine. It is now proved.
After the first two weeks , I had to take an overall test.There were questions about everything I 've seen / done / learned during those two weeks .
Those were tense moments .No one thought I could do it. .
I took the test and did very well. 
I was happy and I confess , proud of my result.It was funny to see the surprise on everyone's faces.
Then I went to the office and spent two more weeks there.
I learned a little of everything at the back office , but spent most of the time in a call centre - area where I have lots of experience .
I have managed various call centers , it was for many years, my bread and butter . 
I noticed some tension on the day of my test but did not think twice about it. tests mean nothing to me, so I did not really care much.
I took the test , and when I left the room ,I left screaming :
- You are terrible teachers . I flunked and it was all your fault, as none of you taught me anything ...
Instead of hysterical laughter , there was a deathly silence .
The Director of Human Resources , who was bolder, probably because of her position,  asked for one of the franchise partners :
- Was it that bad ?
- Not at all , she passed with merit ...
And without realizing what she was doing, she had a huge sight of relieve :
- SERIOOOOOUSLY ? ? ? ?

When she realized what she had just done, she apologized profusely . And  it ocurred to me that no one really thought i would make it.
They were all concerned I would fail the test. The office test. the call centre test...
Some people came to me with concern in their voice:  you don't pay any attention...ever... how could you do so well?
I was even told they thought I have ADHD.

Bottom line : nobody has any faith in me there.

Just for kicks , I convinced the franchise partner to lie to the other two partners and convince them I had really failed .
I played my failure part so well, I even asked for a franchise fee refund, as I declared myself incapable of running this business.


I may look stupid, but no one can challenge my sense of humor. I made fun of them for a couple of hours before I finally told them I was joking...

Sistemas eficientes! Efficient Systems

Eu vim a Dallas a trabalho e para facilitar a minha vida, reservei passagens aereas, hotel e carro pela internet. paguei tudo adiantado, peguei meus comprovantes e embarquei feliz da vida, num voo de merda, que sai de Phoenix a 1 da manhã e chega em Dallas as 5 da matina. O voo é de duas horas, vc não dorme, mas o fuso te ferra e vc tb não dorme qdo chega.
 EEEEE. 

I came to Dallas for work and to make things easier , I booked everything online.  Flights , hotel and car rental were  paid  up front.
 With all my  my vouchers in hand, I  happily boarded a shitty  flight that leaves Phoenix 1 am and arrives in Dallas at 5 am . 
Being a two hour flight, one can't sleep. And because you get there early in the morning, you don't sleep either.


 EEEEE 


Todo mundo comemora!!
Everyone sings and dances!!

No avião:

- Oi! Esse lugar é meu.
- Mas eu troquei com aquele cara ali.
- O cara não poderia ter trocado, por que o lugar não é dele...
Depois de um certo bafafá, eu recupero o meu lugarzinho e me sento.
O palhaço que "trocou" o meu lugar com a outra pessoa,e stá sentado na janela, e entre nós uma moça simpática.

On the plane :

- Hi ! This is my place .
- But I swapped with that guy .
- The guy could not have given you the seat. It is not his! 
After a lot of talking, I managed to get my seat .

The clown who " swapped " my place with the other person , was sitting by the window , and between us, there was a nice lady .

Na decolagem
aeromoça - Você pode levantar a bandeijinha pra decolagem? 
cara que trocou o MEU lugar pela janela - Claro...
A aeromoça sai e ele abaixa a bandeija de novo.
Ela volta e pede educadamente pra ele levantar a bandeija.
Assim que ela vira as costas...a bandeija abaixa.
Eu ja estava querendo dar um croque nele quando a aeromoça voltou, levantou a bandeija e ficou de guarda ao lado do palhaço, que se resignou a dizer:
- É que eu nunca viajei num avião pequeno assim...  ( oi????)

On takeoff
stewardess -  Can you please put the food tray up for takeoff ?
The guy who gave away my seat: - Sure ...
The stewardes goes away and he lowers his tray. 
She comes back and politely asks him  to put the tray up again. He does as he was told.
As she turns her back ... the tray goes down.
I was ready to sort him out when the stewardess came back , fixed the tray without a word, and stood guard next to him.
His defense words:

- I never travelled in such a small plane ... ( WHAT ? ? )

Retirando o carro:
Passo pela burocracia chatissima da locadora e entrego meu cartão de banco para eles pegarem o deposito e liberarem o carro.
- Nós não aceitamos cartao de debito. Tem que ser credito.
Depois de muita discussão, eu cedo e entrego o cartão de credito.
- Não tem fundos.
- Tem
- Não tem
E a ladainha se estende até eu ligar para o banco e conseguir um comprovante de que eu tenho credito suficiente no cartão de crédito.
- Ah, mas eu não posso passar esse cartão de novo. Tem que ser outro. Para a sua segurança.
Eram 5 da manhã. Fiz cara feia, reclamei, mandei chamar o gerente. Para a minha segurança, não havia nada que pudesse ser feito.

Getting the car :
I go through the bureaucracy  of getting the car rental ready to be taken out. They ask for a deposit.
- We do not accept debit cards . It has to be credit .
After much discussion , I give in and hand him my  credit card .
- No funds.
- It does have enough credit on it
- No, it does not
And the discussion extends until I call the bank and get a proof that I have enough credit on that specific credit card .
- Ah , but I can not swipe the card twice . It has to be another one. For your safety .

It was 5 am . I made faces, frown ,  complained , I called the manager, but for  my safety , there was nothing that could be done .


Como o carro ja estava pago, e as reservas feitas pelo Expedia, tive que tentar mudar a reserva para outra locadora através deles, para não perder o pagamento que já havia sido feito.

Duas horas depois e algum mal humor, eu saio da Dollar e entro na Alamo.
Em menos de 5 minutos, o meu processo foi feito, eu não tive que dar deposito algum, ganhei um upgrade, um elogio pelo meu nome ( viu sogra????), o cara carregou a minha mala até o carro e eu saí de lá com a fé restaurada no ser humano.

As the car was already paid for , and reservations were made ​​through Expedia , I could not simply walk away. I had to try and change the reservation to another rental company through them , so I could transfer the payment had already been made ​​.

Two hours later and spitting fire, I go out of the Dollar and in to Alamo .

In less than five minutes , my process was done , no deposit required , got an upgrade for a bigger car , a compliment on my name ( did you hear that, leya ? ? ) , The guy carried my bag to the car and I left the rentsl compound with faith restored in humanity .

Social Skills / Descolaadíssimo

Estivemos num churrasco essa semana.
Um casal maravilhoso, super atencioso e hospitaleiro. Um dos seus convidados foi a estrela da noite:

falando para um outro casal:
- Sua filha está indo para essa faculdade?
todos felizes eles respondem:
- Sim! Entrou esse ano.
e ele:
- Ëu tambem fui pra essa faculdade. É uma merda. Eles não ensinam nada, não preparam bem. É uma perda de tempo e dinheiro!!
...silencio mortal na sala...


para os donos da casa:
- Eu nunca comi uma linguiça que eu goste aqui na sua casa. E olha que eu já disse pra vocês a marca que eu gosto umas mil vezes...

ainda pros donos da casa:
- hey! seu filho está tirando foto minha. Eu não quero!!
e o filho do casal tem 8 anos. O carinha cheio de destreza social tem 25!

++++++++++++++++++++++++

We went to a bbq this week. An amazing couple, very friendly and super hospitable.
One of their guests was by far the star of the evening:

to another couple:
- So your daugther goes to this university?
- Yes! - they answer all proud
- I went there too.
...couple smiles...
- It sucks! I hate it. they are incompetent, know nothing, prepare you for nothing. It is a waste of time and money!
...smile fades away...


to the hosts:
- I never eat a sausage I like in this house, doesn't matter how many times i tell you which one I like!

to the hosts again:
- Your son is taking pics of me. i don;t like it!
...the boy is 8 years old. the social skilled guy is over 25 years old.
charming!

Tetris e a terapia/ Tetris and therapy

Outro dia falei pra minha terapeuta ( eita dinheiro bem gasto) :
- Por que só comiiiigo? Por que tudo eeeeu? Por que os problemas não param de se amontoaaarr?
E ela na maior calma:
- A vida é como aquele joguinho tetris. As pecinhas vem e vc tem que encaixa-las no lugar. Ai vem outra pecinha e vc faz a mesma coisa. Não tem nada de anormal acontecendo na sua vida. Você só ficou tempo demais com a pecinha na mão e as outras se acumularam.

I was trowing a tantrum during my therapy last week:
- Why it all happens to me?? Why only me? Why do I have to get this pile of problems by my door step? whyyyyy???
And she replied, calm as ever:
- Life is like that game, tetris. Little pieces come to you and you have to see where they fit and put them in the right place. Then another one comes and you do the same .There is nothing wrong with your life, you just took too long deciding where to put one of the pieces and the others piled up. 

Atendimento nota 10! Great customer service!

Adoro sorvete da marble slab ( aquele que eles esmagocetam o sorvete junto com o que vc quiser). Sempre peço a mesma coisa:
- Oi! Me dá um sorvete de chocolate amassado com morangos frescos e amêndooas em lascas,  na casquinha pequena, por favor?
- Só isso?
- Sim, obrigada.
Ai ela me entrega um sorvete de chocolate sem morangos e sem amendoas, na casquinha pequena.
Explico o engano, a mocinha faz cara de poucos amigos e refaz meu sorvete.
Enquanto ela está misturando os ingredientes, eu noto que as amêndoas estão muito claras.
Renata ( minha amiga que lê pensamentoe e caras ranzinzas) pergunta:
- O que foi?
- A amêndoa está muito clara.
- É por que é lascada. Fica clarinha mesmo.
- Parece côco. Tá clara demais.
Mas aceito a explicaçao e mentalmente me dou uma bronca pela ranzinzisse desnecessária.
O sorvete fica pronto, pago e saímos andando. Na primeira mordida, sinto o inconfundivel gosto de CÔCO!
Volto lá:
- Você colocou côco ao invés de amendoas.
Ela para de atender o próximo cliente e vai buscar o vidro, onde está escrito amêndoas:
- Não coloquei não, olha! - e me mostra o vidro.
- Querida, eu não quero saber o que está escrito no vidro. Isso é côco. não é amendoa.
Ela chama o outro coleguinha dela. Mostra o vidro. Gesticula em tagalo. Reclama. Aponta prá mim, pro sorvete, pro vidro...
E meu sorvete derretendo e escorrendo pela minha mão.
- Pessoal, vamos fazer o seguinte! Vcs discutem isso depois. Agora pega esse sorvete aqui, joga no lixo, toma, enfia no nariz, e me dá outo, dessa vez, sorvete de chocolate com morangos frescos e amêndoas lascadas. Na casquinha pequena, por favor.
Muito a contra gosto, o outro funcionário fez o que eu pedi, mas desculpas ninguém me pediu nao...

******

I love  marble slab ice cream (the one they smash  delicious things into your ice cream). My order is always the same and this week was no different:

- Please give me me a chocolate ice cream mixed with fresh strawberries and chipped almonds, the small cone.
- That's it?
- Yes, thank you.

When she finishes, the attendant  hands me a chocolate ice cream. Plain. Without  strawberries and without almonds . She got the small cone right.
I explain the mistake, the girl pulls up a face  and gives another go at getting my ice cream.
While she is mixing the ingredients, I notice the almonds are very white. Too white.

Renata, my mind reader friend, questions me:

- What's wrong?
- The almonds are too white
- This is because they are chipped. They seem whiter.
- Looks like coconut. Too light. - I say quietly
I accepted the explanation and mentally give myself an earful for been such a pessimist.
The ice cream is ready to go, paid for and we start walking away.
On my first bite, I feel the unmistakable  COCONUT taste!

I turn on my heels and go back there:
- You put coconut instead of almonds in my ice cream.
She stops what she is doing, and comes back with a container written almonds. Inside, the very white coconut flakes lie quietly.
- No I did not, look! - And shows me the lable.
I remember I have to be patient, she is obviously not the brighest crayon in the box!
- Honey, I do not care what is written on the container. This is coconut.  Not almond.

She calls another attendant. Shows him the container, the label, points at me, gesturing in Tagalog. She is obviously upset.Complaining, she points first at me, then at the ice cream and finally to the coconut chips.
My ice cream is melting and running down my hand.My patience is melting at the same rate. Fast!

- Guys, you can chat later.!  Now you will take this ice cream here, throw in the trash,  and will give me the right one this time.  Chocolate ice cream with fresh strawberries and  chipped almonds. In small cone, please.

My words were reasonable but my tone screamed murder!
Very reluctantly, they gave me what I wanted, but no one offered me an apology

mal entendido / misunderstanding

Fabio chega de viagem ( ele passou uma semana fora) e diz:
- Tem uma cueca diferente na minha gaveta
eu nem dou bola. mais tarde, ouço:
- Tem uma cueca que não é minha, na minha gaveta de cuecas.
a minha ficha não cai, mas ele não desiste. mais tarde ele repete:
- Tem uma cueca estranha...
mas dessa vez eu não deixo ele terminar a frase e o interrompo:
- Pega a cueca lá, deixa eu ver.
seguro o riso
- Fabio, isso não é uma cueca. Essa é a saia de seda da Anita. devolve lá prá ela...

Enigma resolvido!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Fabio comes home from a week away and says:
- There is a pair of underware in my drawer that does not belong to me.
I don't even register the comment. latter, he says it again:
- These briefs are not mine
Once again I say nothing, and I don't give it a second thought, but he does not give up:
- Funny. I don't remember having these...
In an attempt to solve the mistery I say:
- Let me see.
And I have to control my laughter.
- Fabio, this is Anita's silk skirt. just give it back, will you?

Case closed

Coorporate Training / Treinamento na Empresa

Fui chamada para ir a um treinamento na empresa para a qual presto servicos. Isso mesmo, sou free lancer, paga por hora.
E vao me pagar para atender ao treinamento?
Naaao.
E vao me ensinar algum "skill" novo?
Naaao.
O treinamento e para aumentar o nosso conhecimento sobre a "marca". Sobre a empresa.
Ahhhh

Pensei em nao ir. Ferias das criancas, muita coisa divertida pra fazer, quase nao fui. A possibilidade de ir embora em breve. Pensei em nao ir. Mas fui, ne. Por que sou uma molengona. muito responsavel.

O treinamento ia demorar entre 4 e 5 horas.
Demorou 2 horas.

Alugaram uma sala de reunioes num hotel daqui. Trouxeram uma gerente de um pais vizinho para nos dar o treinamento.
Eramos tres alunos. Teria ficado imensamente mais barato se eles nos tivessem levado para o pais vizinho. Teriamos conhecido colegas de la, aumentado a nossa network e economizado dinheiro para a empresa.

So com esses detalhes eu aprendi muito sobre a empresa para a qual eu presto servicos, voce nao acha?

*******************************
I was requested to attend a training at the company I free lance for.
Will they  pay me to attend the training?Noooo.Will they teach me any new skills?Noooo.It is a "brand awareness training"AhhhhI considered not going. It is my kids' holidays, there are plenty of things to do with them, I really couls use this "unpaid" time better. Not to emntion I don't know how long I will be here, so this training may prove to be a waste of my time.  I seriously considered not going. But I broke and went.
The training would take between 4 and 5 hours.It took 1:45 min
They rented a meeting room at an expensive hotel here. They brought a manager from a neighboring country to give us training.We were three trainees. It would have been immensely cheaper if they had taken us to the neighboring country. It would also be better for us: increase our network while saving the company's money.

This lil details already taught me a lot about the company, don't you think?

clientes, clientes... customers, customers...

Essa semana eu passei dias com um casal super fofo que so estava interessado em ver casas. Como nos sempre temos muitas propriedades pra ver, eu acabei criando um ritmo, pra fazer as coisas funcionarem.
Estaciona o carro, sai, tranca o carro, olha a casa, volta pro carro, dirige ate a proxima propriedade...
O problema e que o cara que estava comigo essa semana ( quero deixar claro que ele estava sentado no banco de tras e a esposa dele estava me acompanhando o tempo todo), decidiu fazer anotacoes no percurso entre uma casa e outra.
Ai o novo ritmo passou a ser:
Estaciona o carro, sai, tranca o carro, percebe que o cara nao esta la, sai da casa, destranca o carro, pede desculpas pro fulano que estava trancado no banco de tras, olha a casa, volta pro carro, dirige ate a proxima propriedade...
Algo me diz que o meu feedback dessa semana nao vai ser dos melhores!








This week I had this great couple to show properties to. We went to 15 houses a day, so we better be very quick.
And I got myself into a rythm, since I started this job. Park the car, get out, lock it, see the house, back to the car, drive to the next...
The male part of this couple decided to make notes of every property, during our drive from one   place to another.
So the rythm had to change to something like this:
Park the car, get out, lock it, get into the house, notice gentleman missing, go back outside, unlock the men who got stuck in my vehicle, go back inside the property, see the house, back to the car, drive to the next...
I don't think my feedback form will be very sharp this week.

My bad

I ahve this amazing friend who i love dearly. We have so many stories to tell, i could ( and may) write a book after she dies, so she won't kill me.

We are close, we are like sisters. And this year, she forgot my birthday!

Yep, she did. F O R G O T. Simple like that.

And did not even remember the next day. or the day after. Or ever. So I waited 5 long days, and had a hissy fit.

Went to her facebook wall and wrote a formal complaint. I even managed to complain about the fact that her boyfriend, who i really like, but has been my friend for...like... 2 minutes, did not forget. So the "new guy"in her life remembers, and she does not?

Oh man, was I mad...

After complaining about it, I decided to be even meaner, and went to all her posts from the 9th ( my b'day) and left mean comments for her.

Oh...so you write to HEEER on my b'day but not to me?

December the 9th...whatelse happens on this date?

And on and on I went. Until I saw a little link saying:

Luciane Raffa wrote on Inaie Ramalho's wall.
December 9th

oh, oh... and when i clicked, this image came up:

Shit! Shit! Shit!

I mean... Great! She remembered... and now I have yelled, cursed and trew a tantrum. A public one too...
So I better apologise publicly too.

Lu, I love you! Lots...

photo stolen from: interempresas.net

The other night I received a call from a client of mine ( he is alone here - his wife will only come after the summer)

- Inaie, I do not have a microwave.

- And I don't have a ferrari. Your turn - what else you don't have?

- No silly (am I the silly one??), the house I rented came without a microwave. I had no idea.

I wondered if he was lonely and wanted to make small talk or if this story would get somewhere. I decided to shut up and wait.

- So, the thing is: I bought this package of frozen food - and I would make in the microwave. The house has no microwave, I'm hungry and don't know what to do!

- Ahhhhh, now I understand. Go to the feezer, get the package. Look behind the pack ... then I "held his hand" while he read the instructions to "cook" dinner in a conventional oven.

INSURANCE

Why do we pay insurance? To feel protected or just to feel less vulnerable?

Of course my car has full insurance and after the accident, I had to make a claim. The process, once again was very intelectual and fullfilling.

- Sit there. That agent will help you.

I sit and wait

- I think it was your fault.
- WHAAAT?
- I think you were the person at fault at the accident.
- But I did not even give you the documents. You have no idea what happened...
- True. But you look guilty

** I swallow my desire to beat the crap out of him and give him the paperwork**

- You are not covered by the policy
- WHAAAAT?
- Not covered. Your driver was drunk
- Look, I do not speak, read or write in arabic, but my driver was not drunk. the pedestrian, who jumpedin front of my car was drunk. And I don't know the guy, have no conection, have no clue who he is.
- In the report it says it was your driver whow as drunk
** I swallow my hunger for violence and call Mr X - the same one who gave me a hard time getting the report, the same one who bought me lunch. In minutes the case was solved. The insurance guy hung up the phone, told me everything was ok, the pedestrian was drunk and it was not my fault. he also reimbursed me for the costs for the report and police charges. **

I went home quite happy, and ALMOST feeling guilty for thinking horrible things about the creepy police officer. After all he was probably not a bad person.
But don't get too excited, my insurance saga is not over...

next morning I get a phone call, 7 am from the insurance people:

- Hello! Your claim was rejected.
- But you approved it yesterday, I have all the papers.
- Come here and I explain

I had chills going down my spine once again. All that come here, all over again?

I had no option, so off I went. My stomach hurt, I felt sick and really angry. On my way there I called some friends and managed to get the number for a couple of lawyers. if things did not work, i would just go bananas and sue everyone.
After a long wait and lots of stupid and futile chat, i understand what they were trying to say:

The court case was not finished yet, so I had to pay the excess ( 125 US$) and give back the money they gave me yesterday ( 32 US$).
- So the claim was approved?
- Yes.
- And my car will be fixed?
- Yes.
- And you will pay the bill?
- Yes.
- AND WHO WILL PAY FOR MY BYPASS when I have a heart atack with this stupid phone calls?

It is a boy!

Aqui no Oriente Medio, o watchman dos condominios acaba sendo uma especie de "faz tudo". Nos damos uma graninha a mais para ele, e em troca, ele faz papeld e motorista, trocador de lampadas, eletricista, encanador, vigia de adolescentes, porteiro na madrugada...

O meu condominio e pequeno, sao so 4 casas, e ele mora aqui tambem, numa casinha perto da portaria.

Eu notei que a esposa dele estava cada vez maior. A barriga dela crescia, crescia e crescia. Chegou a um ponto que eu nao tinha como errar. So podia ser gravidez. Arrisquei a sorte:

- Hey! Parabens. Voce tem um bebezinho vindo ai...

- Nao. Nao tenho nao. Por que? Quem tem? 

Fiquei sem graca, desconcertada, e queria sumir. Vai ver a pobre da mulher esta com barriga d'agua - e eu comemorando...

Pois hoje ele toca a campainha, me da um pacote todo enfeitado, cheio de chocolates dentro, e me mostra a foto de um bebezinho com poucas horas de vida!

- Meu filho. Nasceu. Vai la no hospital agora.

Minha vontade era dar um esculacho nele, por que se ele tivesse confirmado a gravidez, eu poderia ter ajudado no enchoval, poderia ter comprado mimos e dengos para o fedelho.  Mas ele e Bangladesh, eu sou brasileira, a nossa comunicacao em ingles, eu reconheco, e um tanto falha!

Firulas a parte, benvindo o bebezinho!!!!

Our watchman lives in our compound and he is far more than a watchman. He helps with everything we need.

Another day, I noticed his wife had gained lots of weight. All on her belly. It could only mean we had a baby coming to the neighborhood, so I tried:

- Hey! You wife is pregnant!!

- No. Not pregnant. Who pregnant?

I said no more. I hate when we try to be sweet and end up being rude, so I shut the fuck up!

Today, he knocked on my door, with chocolates for us and a picture of a gorgeous new born - his son.

- Baby. My baby. Go hospital now!

Well, I could have helped him with his baby clothes, nappies and all, but it seems our communication is not as efficient as I once imagined.

Welcome to our compound, little boy!

Foto borrowed from http://eye-on-the-world.blogspot.com

New Year's Eve celebrations will be in our home. We chose an easy recipe: ordered good food and BYO drinks. We invited a small group of friends and we are really excited.

But today, 30th of December, a problem emerged on the horizon. The person who was going to buy the ham, could not find it at the Base.

Open brackets. Bahrain is a Muslim country, and pork products are not readily available. There are only two supermarkets that sells these products and you never know what will be available. The quantities are small and the prices an extortion.  The USA has a Naval base here and inside it's facilities there is a shopping mall where you can buy all sorts of things, from 1/3 of the prices in Bahrain. They also have pork.Close brackets.

I almost panicked ( I lie - I really lost the plot. I need ham.I cried, threw a tantrum, swore), and a friend of a friend of  a friend gave me a number I could call. The instructions were clear:

- Don't give this number to anyone else. They don't sell to people they do not know and they don't sell retail.

I am not here to create problems. I agree and call the number straight away:

- Hello, can I have a ham please?

- Who are you? Who gave you this number?

- My name is Inaie, XXX gave me the number.

- Why?

- Why what?

- Why did he give you the number?

- Because I need a ham.

Then I realised what he was asking...

- And because I have a small catering business, he told me you are a reliable supplier.

Break for uncontrollable laughter - I can not boil eggs

- Ok. What do you need?

- Ham. 4 kilos. It will be a small job.

- I will call you back.

A few minutes later, he does call back:

- Look, it will be ok.

- And where is your business? What is your address?

- Go to the corner of X and Y and when you get there, call me.

- Whaaaat?

-Call this mobile when you get there.

I am in no condition to discuss. I do as I am told.

-Hello, I am here.

- ok. I will call you.

He hungs up on me, but does call me back in 5 minutes.

- I am sending A.F. to meet you.

He will be driving a black corolla. Follow him.

Soon after the guy arrives, I follow him through some narrow, dirty, dark streets.My heart is racing. I only think about that ham.

When we finally arrive, I feel a bit better. The place seems to be "legit".

I buy my ham, pay cash and leave as soon as I can

.I felt I was in a cheap movie, playing the drug addict buying illegal substances in dodge corners.

and who are YOU?

I was invited to a friend's 40th birthday party. She is French, chic and lots of fun to be with, so when she said she wanted to gather a bunch of creative, inspirational girls to her party, I thought it was a great idea and did not think twice!

I got there, saw some people I know, met some fun ladies and had a great time. Until Nathaly ( the chic French friend), decided to make us play a game. She gave us colourful bracelets and we had to find the other 3 or 4 women who had the same color bracelet. When we gathered our small group, we were to sit together and answer one question:

- Everyone is creative in their own way. What is YOUR way?

Ah??? Creative? I am not creative!!! I am so many things, but NOT definately NOT creative! I had chills coming through my spine. Maybe, If I managed to make people speak a lot about themselves, my turn would never come.

Grace, an asian girl who could easily be in a fashion magazine, is a graphic designer. CREATIVE!! I asked as many questions as I could.

Patsy, have this passion for the war his father fought. She is making a comic about it. She even does the drawing... CREATIVE!!

Fouzia is one of these perfect mum/housewives... she can do everything and is always with make up and a comber hair. How the hell she does that I fail to understand...

Then it was my turn. When I was ready to pretend to pass out to avoid answering the dar question, I saw the light. I am a story teller . I tell stories. That's what I do. Or at least that's what I do when I am in a pickle...

PIERRE HERME

Well, imagine my surprise when I opened my inbox and saw this e mail:

Dear Ms Ramalho,
 
Please accept our most sincere apologies for our sales ladies' behaviour
last Tuesday at our Galeries Lafayette shop.
 
We made an investigation. It appears that one of the sales ladies greeted
you in French saying Good Evening instead of Good Morning, and then burst
out laughing.
We very much regret this upsetting behaviour and wish to let you know that
the necessary measures have been taken so that this will not happen again.
 
Would you be so kind as to give us your address in Paris and we will
gladly have a selection of our products delivered for your attention.
 
Looking forward to your reply,
Best regards,
 

Pierre Herme 

VERDICT: THEY ARE FORGIVEN...

Eu e as minhas lentes cor de rosa/ Me and my pink lenses

Well, a blooger friend sent me a message asking me not to loose the pink lenses with wich I see the world.
Sometimes it is hard to keep them on. Sometimes I just feel like running away and screaming for help!
Someone just get me out of here NOW!
But then I look around and see how lucky I am, and I keep the lenses on.

And yep, I noticed how dry my hair looks, and I WILL sort it out. Soon. I hope.

Bom, meu amigo blogueiro me mandou um recadinho, pedindo pra eu nao tirar as lentes cor de rosa que eu uso para ver o mundo a minha volta.

As vezes e dificil mante-los. as vezes da vontade de chutar o pau da barraca e jogar tudo pro alto ( tudo o que? Tudo, tudo, ou so algumas coisas?)

As vezes da vontade de sair correndo e pedindo socorro.

Mas ai eu olho a minha volta e vejo como a vida e maravilhosa e como ela vale a pena, entao eu continuo a caminhada.

As lentes ficam!

PS: siiim, eu notei que meu cabelo ta seco feito palha, e vou dar um jeito nele. Logo. Acho.

They grow up - unfortunatelly

My babies are no longer babies. Anita is a teenager, and Lia is not yet, but at 12, she surely behaves like one.

Now that they are gown ups, all I have left are the memories.

I remember once when we were in Melbourne, and I took the kids to a Barbie show. They were three and four years old. The place was packed full. We saw the show, and when I look around, they were both gone.

I was terrified my girls would be alone, and afraid. Then I panicked someone would kidnap them. I heard so many stories about horrible kids disappearances.

I called security and got them to lock all the exits, then started running in the shopping corridors, looking for them.

Suddenly, I see these two girls, dressed exactly the same (believe me, THEIR choice, never mine), holding hands, chatting and laughing.

When they saw me, they stopped and Lia put both hands on her waist and said:

- MUM! You got lost!!

I never felt so much relief in my life

Resident Permit - Bahrain

I am sure you want to know what happened to the Resident Permit Saga ( I even got a couple of e mails asking me about it).

After I yelled, screamed and exorcised all bad spirits from my life yesterday, today I woke up to a much better life.

I decided not to think about it, and just trust things would sort themselves out. Naturally. Stupid, uh?

I went swimming in the morning, I saw friends I really like, I played with baby GC. And when FAbio came home tonight, my passport had the permit stamped on it.

Just like that. Yesterday there was no way "they" would give me the permit. Today, they just stamped the darn thing into my passport (yep, the same one that was unacceptable yesterday).

Go figure.

I know you want to ask me:

- Soooo, did all the stress paid off?

My reply is very simple:

It sure did. Didn't you read when I mentioned I exorcised all the bad spirits from my life? I recommend regular cleansing routines to everyone! I just proved it works...