MY GRANDMA

I am lucky enough to have 3 had grandmas. I have spoken about one of them a couple of times here but I never mentioned Grandma Lide. Until now.


Today would be her 78 birthday. She was exactly 40 years and 1 month older than me and I was her only grandchild. My grandma left me 20 years ago. I never got over it.


I remember spending  my holidays with her, going to her house only to be around her. There were no other kids, we never went out do do anything. To be with her was enough. I don't even remember talking much.


She cooked for me, she cared for me - my mother would take me to her home every time I was sick, since I was a baby, and leave me there until I recovered. And we lived over 200 km away from each other.


I remember her taking me to the manicure, to the market ( where I could buy my own fruits and veggies), I remember going to the butcher for her and even remember when I went to the cold store to buy eggs - and came home with a dozen of broken eggs. I was so happy to go out on my own, I skipped all the way back - and the eggs suffered a bit. She did not say a word about it.


She taught me how to make lots of things.


And when I was 10, she told me she had cancer. I remember three surgeries, one amputation and 8 years later, loosing her to this stupid disease.


I also remember being so lost, I kept calling her number for months after her death - hoping she would just pick up the phone.


When Anita, my first baby was born, she left the hospital wearing the clothes my grandma made for my first baby. It was spring, the sun was shinning and Anita had her green wintery, warm baby clothes on. I did not care - they were my grandma's present. It was just too special.


I am sad she did not live to see the person I became. I am sad she never met my husband, my kids, she never got to share my adult life with me.


All she got were my childhood years and my stroppy teen years. poor grandma...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE!!

my grandparents

Some time ago, I wrote about my grandma here, in this very same blog. You can read the posts here , here and  here

My cousin, who lived with her, and claim to be the only "real grandchild", found some of the letters my grandpa wrote to her, along the years. I finally understood why she left us recently. She could no longer be away from him.

This is the poem he wrote to her on their 41 st anniversary. They were married for 53 years when he passed away.

I just feel this urge to hug and kiss both of them...



I will remember our old times
Because the past is also part of life


When you were young, your hair was blond
and you wore it in two gorgeous long pony tails 


I did not met you by chance
It was my destiny


You were just a child
I was only a boy
I met the girl you were
And in our games, you were my girlfriend


We never thought the time would pass by

And the time did pass by...

All of it just seems like a mistery
The most magic thing that could happen
Real love was born, inside a cemetery

Everything that happened
It purely the truth, no tale
And with the force of our destiny and God's help, 
We are still together


Everything I wrore here
Stayed behind, in those days
Now we are here, living the present 

Happy, Thank God
but just a little tired


I would like to be a poet, or a great writter
to be able to write many pretty words


In the past, I loved you a lot
Today is our 41st anniversary and I love you even more

Your hair is silver
like the waves in the ocean 
Your face is wrinkled, your eyes are tired
but i still want to kiss your lips

I am no poet, so I can't write pretty poetry
But we know how to love and live in peace
Our home is not pretty
But it is filled with so much love, it makes it gorgeous
Some even call it " Father Thomas ranch"

God bless you and this day. It brings us so much happiness...
















 Now  you tell me... Isn't it just amazing??

VOOOOO para de me sacanear!! Grandma, don't be mean to me!!

Entao. Voce percebe que a coisa ta preta qdo voce ve quatro hastafaris no aeroporto e tem vontade de ir la dizer:

- Voce e um rapaz tao bonito, por que nao toma um banho, corta o cabelo?? Ia ficar tao melhor...

XXXXXXXXX

You know things are in really bad shape when you see 4 hastas at the airport and you want to go there and say:

- You are such a handsome young lad, why don't you get a hair cut and a shower? You would look much nicer!

Bye Grandma

Today my nana decided to let go. She has been in intensive care for a month now, but she was finding it difficult to leave us.

I can understand that. If I were her, I would worry what would happen to us without her love, her care, her sweet words and her comfy food.

My mother once said my nana did not know how many children she had. Everywhere she went, someone adopted her. She had so many adoptive children and grandchildren, it was impossible to keep track.

She was the one who always had a sweet word for everyone. She never judged us, and man, did we give her reasons to... My nana never complained. She was never grumpy.

This woman was an example of faith and love for others. She had many, many tragedies in her life ( lost two children in less than one year, her daughter had a miscarriage on her first pregnancy, she saw many of her brothers and sisters leave this planet...), but she never lost faith. Never gave up.

My nana believed God knew what he was doing, and that seemed to be enough for her. She prayed and kept going.

My grandma taught us to be resilient. And to smile. She cooked and baked for us. we cried on her shoulder, we looked for her when we could not find anyone else to hold our hands.

Today she left for good, but I know she will be watching over us. I know she will be able to protect and care for her "family" the way she has always done.

I wish I was in Brazil. You never hear me saying this, but today is one of those situations when I really wish I was there. I would hug my mother and hold my godmother's hand. I would cry with my cousins and we would remember stories about our childhood. Monica and Fernanda would yell at me and Fabiola and say we were impostor grandkids, they were the real deal... I would place my head on Pedro's lap and let him sing for me until I slept. I would share all this pain I have in my heart with Deco. And it would make it all easier.

Thank you nana. Thank yu for helping me be a better person. Thank you for teaching me it is better to be good than nasty (  still struggle with that one). Thank you for choosing me as your grandchild.