a vida começa aos 40/ life starts at 40!

Se vocês me acompanham há algum tempo, sabem que eu geralmente viajo nas ferias de verão. Bahrain vira uma fornalha e eu nao gosto de ser cozida viva, então eu me pirulito daqui.
Esse ano resolvi radicalizar! Nos ultimos 3 anos viajamos duas vezes para os Estados Unidos, eu dei um pulinho no Brasil ano passado ( visitei a Amazonia) e também sassaricamos um pouco pela Europa. Conheci lugares lindos, revisitei cidades encantadoras, mas essas férias vão ser um pouco diferentes. Não, vão ser completamente diferentes!!
Vou prá Ásia.
Conheço a Tailandia, a Malásia, Hong Kong e Cingapura. Amo.
A radicalizada não é no destino.
É que eu vou sozinha!!
Em 40 anos, essa vai ser a primeira vez na minha vida que eu viajo sozinha. Sempre tive comigo mãe, amigas, marido ( 99%) das vezes. Mas dessa vez, o planbo é outro.
A Yolhi, minha amiga mexicana vai além. Ela diz que eu não vou nem a padaria, nem a manicure sozinha.
Quando ela me ligava e eu não estava em casa, ela nunca perguntava "onde vc está?" - ela sempre perguntava: 'Com quem você está?"
E é verdade. Eu sou das massas, não vejo graça nenhuma em fazer coisas sozinha, então essa viagem vai ser um grande passo prá mim. Vejo essa viagem como um divisor de águas.
Vou ter tempo pra me conhecer melhor, para tomar decisões que impactam somente em mim. Vou ter que decidir, dia após dia, o que fazer, como fazer e por que fazer.
Vai ser triste não poder dividir meu passeio com alguém ( mas é prá isso que vocês estão aí), prá visitar esse lugares comigo!
Minhas terapeutas ( tenho TRÊS!!)  dizem que vai ser ótimo prá mim. Eu estou animada, e estou com um medo do kct. Mas eu vou. Já decidi.
Devo sair daqui na primeira semana de julho, com destino ao Vietnam. Visito uma amiga em Ha Noi ( prá não ficar tão assustador logo de cara) e depois viajo sozinha pelo país e atravesso a fronteira para visitar Laos, Cambodia e Burma. De mochila nas costas. Pretendo viajar entre 5 e 6 semanas.
Se vc tiver alguma dica, pelamor, vai me dando já!!
E eu prometo levar o laptop e ir contando as minhas aventuras ...

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If you follow this blog, you probably noticed I leave Bahrain in summer.This place becomes a furnace and I do not feel like been cooked alive, so I just leave.
This year I decided to radicalize! Our travel destinations in the last three years have been very traditional. USA, Europe, a lil visit to Brazil.
 I visited beautiful places, revisited charming towns, but this time my plans are a little different. I will go to Asia. That in itself is not excentric or different, I've been to Thailand, Malaysia, Hong Kong and Singapore. I loved it. 
But this hols I am traveling A L O N E !
 In 40 years this is going to be the first time in my life that I travel alone. Yolhi, my Mexican friend goes further on her afirmations. She says I do not even go to the bakery, or a manicure alone. When she calls me and I am not home, she never asks "where are you?" - She always asks: 'Who are you with? " And sure enough i will say a name.
I see no fun in doing things alone, then this trip will be a big step for me. My therapists (I have THREE!) Say it will be great for me. I'm excited, and scared.
 But I will do it anyway.
 I am planning to leave here in the first week of July. My first stop will be Vietnam. I will visit a friend in Ha Noi (to ease me off) and then travel the country alone and cross the border to visit Laos, Cambodia and Burma. Backpacking.
If you have any tips, please,  send them over! And I promise to take the laptop and tell my adventures ...

E agora, Jose? What now?

Minha vida esta numa dessas encruzilhadas. E a sensacao e a de que essa nao e a primeira vez, e muito menos sera a ultima. A diferenca e como eu me sinto em frente a situacao.
Ok, ok, eu conto.
Ha 3.5 anos, moramos no Oriente Medio. Sempre soubemos que essa opcao nao e eterna. O Oriente Medio e otimo pra quem quer trabalhar, ter um certo estilo de vida e um dia voltar pra casa.
O problema e que eu nao tenho "casa".
Nosso tempo por aqui esta acabando ( o que me angustia e me desespera, por que eu poderia facilmente ficar aqui pelos proximos 30 anos. Eu me encontrei, eu sou feliz aqui). Meu marido nao quer ficar aqui nem mais um minuto. Ele esta cansado disso tudo e quer ir embora. A situacao na empresa dele tambem nao esta das melhores, e mesmo que ele quisesse ficar, talvez nos nao pudessemos. Tudo e uma grande incognita.
Pensei em arrumar um trabalho em periodo integral e ficar aqui com as meninas, mas nenhum emprego me pagaria o suficiente para que eu pudesse pagar o aluguel a escola delas e viver tranquilamente. Ai a sinuca de bico. Eu nao tenho muita opcao. Embora haja um numero enorme de opcoes disponiveis para "nos", elas sao todas possibilidades, nenhuma certeza, nenhuma garantia.
E eu estou exausta. estou cansada de viver essa vida temporaria. De tres em tres anos, nos empacotamos tudo e vamos embora, comecar do zero em algum lugar novo.
Com a crise mundial, nos nao sabemos nem onde vamos parar dessa vez. Australia? Nova Zelandia? Europa? Hong Kong? Cingapura? Canada? USA?
A verdade e que eu nao queria ir para lugar nenhum. Queria ficar aqui, no Oriente Medio, que e quente e onde eu nao preciso ficar fazendo continha pra ver se a grana vai dar pro supermercado.
Vou ali tomar um Prozac e ja volto!!

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My life at one of those crossroads at the moment. I feel this is not the first time and,  unfortunately, it will not be the last. The difference now, is how I feel in front of the situation.Ok, ok, I tell you what is going on.We have been in Bahrain for almost 4 years. We always knew living in the Middle East is not a permanent option. The place is great for people who want to come here, work, live a different life style and one day go home.The problem is: I have no "home".Our time here is coming to an end (which distresses me and drives me to despair, as I could easily stay here for the next 30 years. I'm happy here). My husband does not want to stay here any longer. He's tired of it all and wants to leave. He had enough. And the situation in his company is not the best, even if he wanted to stay, we might not be able to. Everything is a big incognita at the moment.I even considered getting a full time job and staying here with girls, but no job would pay me enough so I could pay rent, their school and live comfortably.It seems  I do not have many options, I will have to leave this place.
Although there are a huge number of options available to "us", they are all possibilities, none of them are certain. We could do this, we could do that, we could do the other thing. But we may not be able to do any of them.It will all depend on where and if we find a new job.I'm exhausted. I'm tired of living this temporary life. every three years, we packed up everything and leave, starting from scratch, somewhere new.With the global crisis, we do not even know where we will end up this time. Australia? New Zealand? Europe? Hong Kong? Singapore? Canada? USA?The truth is I do not want to go anywhere. I want to stay here in the Middle East, which is hot and where I do not need to be counting coins to see if I can afford the supermarket bill.
I will go there, have a Prozac and will be back soon...

Duke of Edimburgh Bronze Award - Certificado Duque de Edimburgo

foto daqui

pic from here

Esse fim de semana foi o primeiro fim de semana que a Anita passou fora de casa sozinha. Desde que ela tem 3 anos ed idade, ela atravessa o mundo na compania dos avos, de amigos  e da irma mais nova, para encontrar a familia esperando por ela no aeroporto do lado de la.
Muitas vezes elas - tanto a Anita quanto a Lia fizeram os trajetos Nova Zelandia - Brasil, Australia - Brasil, Dubai Brasil, Bahrain - Brasil sem estarem acompanhadas dos pais. Eu sempre dormi tranquila, por que sabia que assim que o aviao pousasse elas seriam recebidas pelos avos no Brasil ou por nos do lado de ca.
Dessa vez a viagem foi muito mais curta. Bahrain-Oman e bem pertinho. Mas quando ela desembarcou em Oman, a aventura que a esperava seria muito diferente.
Tres dias caminhando pelas praias e montanhas de Oman. Dormindo em tendas que ela e os colegas armaram sozinhos, cozinhando a propria comida e tendo que seguir a rota do GPS em lugares ermos, enquanto carregavam as proprias mochilas.
Eu e o Fabio deixamos que ela fosse por que nos sabemos quando chega a hora de soltar as amarras, deixar o bichinho criar asas.
Mas o meu coracao ficou na boca o fimd e semana inteiro. Eu sabia que eles nao teriam como se comunicar pelo celular, que eu so saberia dela quando o aviao pousasse aqui em Bahrain, onde mais uma vez eu a estaria esperando.
Como sempre, fiz cara de durona, fingi que estava feliz por ela ter ido ( ja perdi a conta de quantas vezes eu fiz esse mesmo numero), mas dessa vez nao consegui dormir, nao consegui relaxar enquanto ela nao veio tagarelando ao nosso encontro no aeroporto.
Ouvir as historias da viagem, como ela subiu montanhas, andou em rios no meio do nada, como ela torceu o tornozelo mas assim mesmo fez questao de carregar a propria mochila para nao sobrecarregar os companheiros de viagem me encheram de orgulho.
Houve um momento, na manha da quinta feira quando fui leva-la ao encontro do grupo, que duvidei que ela seria capaz de completar a prova.
Depois de termos passado e repassado a lista das coisas que ela precisaria levar, ela esqueceu a maquina fotografica em casa e no caminho de 5 minutos entre a nossa casa e o lugar onde o onibus os esperava para levar ao aeroporto, ela perdeu o passaporte.
Tive medo que desse tudo errado.
Mas uma amiga ha muitos anos ja havia me alertado. Eles estao ouvindo. Eles prestam atencao. E assim que voce vira as costas, eles colocam todo esse conhecimento em pratica. Obrigada Silvana, por acalmar meu coracao. Voce tinha razao. Ela sabia o que estava fazendo.

Agoea eu estou aqui, toda orgulhosa da minha filha que esta dolorida, com o pe torcido e exausta, mas com uma auto confianca de dar inveja a muito marmanjo, por que nessa viagem ela descobriu que e capaz de muito mais do que ela mesma imaginava. Ela descobriu que consegue ultrapassar os proprios limites, e que acima de tudo ela aprendeu que o que traz sucesso e o trabalho conjunto. Por isso eles nao comeram o Roberto quando ele comecou a encher o saco de todo mundo, e se revezaram para carregar a mochila da Mira quando ela estava querendo desistir de tudo.

Filha, to morrendo de orgulho de voce! Ta aqui o link do site do programa. vale a pena dar uma olhada!

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This weekend was the first time Anita travelled overseas by herself. It is true she has been travelling "alone" since she was three, but we always had both girls together and until Anita was 11, they only travelled with an adult I knew. A grandparent, a friend, someone I trusted.
For the last 3.5 years, they have been travelling as unacompanied minors, but they get assistance all the way and we know there will be two sets of grandparents waiting for them at the airport when they touch ground.
This time the trip was much shorter, Bahrain-Oman are neighbour conutries. But when she arrived in Oman, the adventure that awaited for her would be completely different.Three days walking on the beaches and mountains of Oman. Sleeping in tents that she and her teen colleagues put up themselves, cooking her own food and having to follow the GPS in deserted places to get from check point to check point, all the time carrying their own backpacks.Fabio and I let  her go because we believe in raising free responsible kids who will not chicken out when they face a challenge in life.But I have to confess I did not relax a minute during the weekend. My heart and my head were far away, trying to imagine what was happening to Anita, wondering if she was cold, if she was hungry or if she was afraid.
I knew they would not be able to call us until the plane landed here in Bahrain. All I could do was wait and hope for the best, trust she would be OK.
And I did what I do best. I pretended to be happy she went, I put on a tough face and just behaved like everything was fine and I knew she was ok, when I was terrified she was fara way and would not be able to call for help if she needed anything. I did not sleep, I did not relax until I saw her at the airport.
When I heard all the stories from her journey, how she climbed mountains, walked into rivers in the middle of nowhere, how she hurt her ankle but still carried her backpack, not to be a non sense to her group, it filled my heart and soul with pride.There was a moment, just before she left, when I doubted she would be able to complete the task.After we went over and overthe list of things she needed to take, she forgot the camera at home and lost her passport in the car, during our 5 minute journey to the school.I confess I was afraid the trip could be a big, fat disaster.But many years ago,  a friend warned me. They're listening, Inaie. They pay attention. And when you turn your back, they put all that knowledge into practice. Thank you Silvana for calming my heart and giving me hope. You were right. She knew what she was doing.Now I'm here,  proud of my daughter for her acomplishment,  knowing she realized during  this trip she is capable of much more than she imagined . She learned she can overcome her own limits, and how emppowering team work can be. Together they decided not to eat Roberto when they were all hungry and he was complaining about everything, and they carried Mira's backpack when she felt she could no longer do it.

Anita, I have never been so proud of you as I am today!

Here is the link for the Duke of Edimburgh program - I recommend it.

I am tired / Eu to cansada...

I am tired ! Tired of lies, tired of promises, tired of every day battles for a better future. I am exhausted. But i keep going, I continue my path.

And I hope, I really hope there will be light in the end of this tunnel.


To cansada! To cansada das mentiras, das promessas nao cumpridas, to cansada das batalhas do dia a dia, to cansada de esperar por um futuro melhor. To cansada de esperar pelo amanha. Mas eu nao desisto. Eu continuo a minha caminhada.

E eu espero, espero sinceramente que haja luz do fim desse tunel!

LOOKING FOR CAROLINE KEOGH!!!!

This friend of mine is a very special person. She is kind, thoughtful, funny, clever. She is at the same time wild and conservative, a combination I have not seen before I met her. We spent lots of time together, we had a blast when I was living in New Zealand.

She is an amazing friend. I love her. To bits. I made sure she met all the friends I could possibly introduce to her. Always.

I can't be with her all the time now. She is in New Zealand, I am in Bahrain. Our lives took different paths, although I know my heart will always be with her.

My relationship with CK is different from many others. She is a very reserved person. She is a listener. I don't have to dispute the floor with her. If anything, I have to drag her to the stage. If anything happens to most of my friends, I will know it, one way or another. Their families will contact me. Mutual friends will remember to call. I will read something on someone's facebook... One way or another, any news, good or bad will reach me quickly enough.

With CK things are different. We have no common friends. Her family does not know me. I am not her next of keen. And being as private as she is, I will hear nothing from Facebook. I can only rely on HER sending me updates. Which she does, sort of does, anyway...

I freaked out about it another day, and she promised me she would write a post it note and fix it on her computer monitor:

If anything happens to me, please contact Inaie in Bahrain - phone 973 39584015.

The problem is that I have not heard from her in ages now. And I sent e mails. FAcebook messages, text messages... and still nothing from her!

So I am hoping this blog entry will embarrass her enough and she will send me an update. Before I call the police and the fire brigade!!!

Lia

Lia is my younger daughter and today was her birthday. She is turning 12. Our baby is simply no longer a baby. And I do have problems to make peace with it.

Yesterday I held her in my arms, I woke up to feed her. Today she is a pre teen with all the implications it brings.

Because it is her birthday she was allowed to skip school today. And she could choose whatever she wanted to do.

Lucky for me, she chose to have lunch with me, then go to the movies. It was just the two of us. In the whole cinema. We laughed out loud, we put our feet on the chair right in front of us. We even sat in the wrong seats, just to be mean.

After the movie, I dragged her to a wonderful hairdresser here in Bahrain. He is a genius with the scissors and Lia is too pretty to have dull hair. Took some convincing, she is a pre teen after all, right?

When she finished her hair cut (and looked FAB) we went home, quickly changed and out we went with FAbio and Anita (my other daughter, who is already 13).

We spent a wonderful day, I was glad I had the opportunity to spend time with her, but the truth is : I am scared. I am terrified my babies are soon going to fly the nest. I raised both of them to be independent, active and to know what they want and fight for it. Now that they are almost ready to do it all, I am feeling empty and wish they were just insecure and unable to leave me. Ever!

Mortality

I clearly remember when I found out about death. The concept was so absurd that it took me years to understand it, and I confess I still do not accept it.

I was four years old and was staying at my grandma's house. My poor nana had to sleep on the floor, right beside my bed, so I could hold on to her finger all night long. I did not want to leave my bed or the comfort of her hand.

Interesting how that touch could send all evil away. The simple fact that I had her hand on my hand was enough to assure me that everything would be OK.

I also remember a very interesting conversation I had with my mother when I was 6.

- So, if there is a nuclear war, do we all die?

- Yep.

- So I die, you die, my dad dies...but my grandma in Serra Negra (we lived about 200km apart), doesn't die, right?

- We all die. Your grandma dies too.

- And why someone would be so stupid to start something like that?

I am now 38. 32 years have passed since that little girl asked the question. Unfortunatelly I still don't have the answer...

Face mark

I am still worried about the mark on my face, and today I went out for lunch with my photographer friend.

Yesterday she made sure her camera was in the car, so we would not forget it.

We met around lunch time, had a massage, a delicious lunch and went home happy as Larry. With no photo. We both forgot all about it.

:-(

Yep, I am afraid.

About a month ago, I found a red mark on my face. Funny mark, it actually feels like it had corroted the skin. It does not hurt, it is just rough. And red. And right on my face.

I went to the doctor, who was a sweet heart:

- That looks like skin cancer. I will burn it now. Come here!

- W H A T ?

- What do you mean? Skin cancer? Burn? Now?

I called FAbio to help me make a decision, but as luck has it, he never answered any of the phones I tried. Yep, he was home, and his mobile was on. He just did not bother.

Of course I got home in pieces, with my unburnt mark right where it was.

Next morning we called my father in law. He is a great doctor and more than that, he spent many years teaching medicine at one of the best institutes in Brazil. (yep, it makes me feel better to give his CV, so you will believe me when I say he is worth listening too)

- Inaie, take a pic and send it to me

- CAn't. It is gone.

- What do you mean? The mark is gone? And skin cancer now plays peek a boo?

- Wait for it to come back, take a pic and send it to me. Until then, do nothing.

The mark is right back. and bigger. Tomorrow I am having lunch with a gorgeous photographer friend and have already called and asked her to bring her camera. We will take a snap shot of this "f"thing and send all the way to Brazil for a diagnosis.

Wish me luck. I am scared shitless.

My grandma

Yesterday my grandma turned 88. And she has all the reasons in the world to celebrate because she has done nothing, but help people she met along the way.

In all my memories, she was this kind, loving, caring person. And not only to me, but to everyone around her. I remember her house always full of plants. I used to say she lived in a jungle. She loves being surrounded by life. Her house always bursting with movement and people coming and going!

My nana had three children. Two died before they even turned 5. Things were tough back then. But I never heard her complain. I only know about this children because other people told me. Grandma was never a moaner. She looked at the bright side and celebrated her victories. She truly counted her blessings.

Yesterday I called her. Called to say I love her. To say I miss her and she is always in my thoughts, always in my heart.

Once again she was delightful. She said she is doing well. She can walk, she can talk, she is in no pain. The oxygen tank, her constant companion now a days, is a bit different, but she can cope with it.

That's exactly why I was not ready for what came next. She told me she is 88 now. And this is a pretty cool age. She is ready to go. She does not need any more birthdays.

It scared me. Confused me. And then I understood.

My grandma is feeling her strengh leave her. She can feel her body changing. And she is preparing us. She does not want us to suffer, so she is once again, making our path easier. She is even saying it is her wish. Making it sound like it is a choice.

Grandma, please don't go. Don't leave us. Stay a little longer. Have another coffee.